A SpotsBug’s World

the best laid plans…

It is with a sad heart that I write to tell you all that I have ended a 4 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend.  It was mutual and amicable, but it turns out that he wants different things. 

I was ready to begin building our lives and family together – he simply was not.

I must say though that no matter what life brings he will always remain a special person to me.  He has been beside me through some of the toughest moments of my life.  I mean, we had only been dating for a little over two months when my mother was diagnosed with cancer.  I will never forget how he was there to listen and help with anything my family needed.  By providing such support to me he gave me the ability to be stronger for my mother and family.

Unfortunately, the difficulties did not stop there.  My father’s health started to decline at a rapid pace which led to his untimely death in 2006.  Again, my boyfriend was there with open arms and an open heart.  He stood with me through funeral planning, days of unbelievable grief, and was always ready to greet me with a smile to help me through the roughest times.

For these things, among countless other generosities, he will always have a small piece of my heart.  But I have to recognize now that the plans I had, the foundation I thought we were building, the life I thought was before us – simply is not going to happen. 

It has been several days since we parted ways and while each day brings its own set of emotions, I know I will be fine.  I know in my heart that if it had been meant to be, it would have been.  And I realize that sometimes the best laid plans are not actually the best plans.  I just have to remember to trust that God has the ultimate plan for my life and know that He will continue to guide me and reveal my path to me in His timing.    

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.  ~ Joseph Campbell

digging out

As I ventured out to my car on Tuesday morning in the icy, snowy mess left over by the snowstorm we experienced Sunday night, I noticed that my car was blocked in by a gigantic iceburg in my driveway.

Obviously we had a little melting the day before and this was just the frozen slush that had fallen from the trunk of my car and piled up on the ground to refreeze in the bitterly cold temperatures of the night.

So here I was, operating on a delayed work schedule in freezing weather trying to figure out how to get my car out of the driveway and onto the road.

I first started the car and tried to back over the two foot pile but with absolutely no luck.  Of course, I don’t know what I was thinking.  I’m just glad I didn’t scratch the car with that experiment. 

Feeling defeated by the laws of physics and nature, into the house I went.  I live in a townhome where fortunately the lawncare is handled for me, so no need for any yard tools, right?  WRONG!  I have no shovel.  I went tearing through the house trying to find something that would help me dismantle the iceburg that was holding my car captive out front.

What I found was a trowel and a broomstick.  Yes this did look like a mix of episodes from MacGyver and I Love Lucy.  Nevertheless I marched out the door armed with my weapons of attack to take on the mighty iceburg. 

As I hacked away inch by inch at this frozen fortress with my broom handle and trusty trowel I started to think about the entertainment I was surely providing for some of my elderly neighbors (it sure did provide my mother much laughter and enjoyment when I told her later in the day).

After about 30 minutes of broom bashing and trowel chipping I finally had removed most of the ice – at least to a level where my car could successfully back over it and allow me to get on to work.

Lesson learned?  This experience has totally confirmed that I would not want to live in a place where I spent every day six months of the year digging out.  I have found a new appreciation for the simple fact that instead of digging out I can (on most days) just hop in the car and go out.  Oh yeah, and I need to purchase a full-size shovel.