A SpotsBug’s World

clouds color my sky

“Clouds came floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” -Rabindranath Tagore

Sometimes I find myself caught in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts. 

I mean, we are all human and we all have rough days, problems dealing with our families, stress at our jobs, feelings of exhaustion from the busyness of life in general… I really could go on.  We’ve all been there.

For me, I become overwhelmed and frustrated when things happen that don’t seem to meet my expectations.  It starts to cloud my thoughts.  I begin concentrating on what is wrong in my life, with my friends and family, with my job, and anything else negative that I can find to dwell on.  Occassionally the pessimism seems to win out and takes on a life of its own.  It causes me to say things or do things I shouldn’t or I often later regret.  Things that aren’t me and don’t truly represent my heart.  I become a cynic.  It tears me up inside and I feel hollow.   

But as easy as it is to get caught in the vicious cycle of doubt, anger, and negativity, I have found that it also can be just as easy to break the cycle.  Because generally, at a moment when I feel there is nothing left and my sadness is at its peak, something happens.  Something miraculous.  It doesn’t always have to be big.  It can be a smile from a stranger, a homecooked meal from Mom, an unexpected compliment at work.  It can be the cat greeting me at the door when I visit my mother’s house or the fact that I amazingly made every traffic light on the way to work.  It doesn’t have to big, it just has to be noticed and then appreciated.

The strategy is simply this – refocus and be thankful.  Sometimes just putting a positive spin on a bad situation, picking out the one thing that is still good, realizing that most likely it could be worse and then simply being thankful for those things – that can make the biggest difference.

The tough things in life, the “clouds,” are what make your life unique.  It is the “clouds” upon which you build your character and find your strength.  You are only truly tested when caught in the storm of life. 

So the challenge to myself is to face difficulty with grace and learn to love the “clouds.”  Because if I can find contentment and peace when the world seems to have fallen far short of my expectation, then my life will be a richer, more beautiful experience.  As quoted above, I want “the clouds to add color to my sunset sky.”     

up at 2:35 AM

I haven’t felt very well the last few days with the exception of Sunday.  I think its just that time of year where the Bradford Pears are blooming, the pollen is fresh, and it all wreaks havoc on my allergies.  My throat has been terribly sore and I’ve been really tired.  So tired in fact, that I fell asleep at 8:15 PM tonight and slept until 1 AM.  Now I’m up and I can’t fall back asleep. 

I’m thinking if I’m up and do a couple of things maybe I’ll get drowsy again.  So far, no luck. 

Despite not feeling very well, I had a good weekend.  On Saturday I did some much needed cleaning, but was able to take my time and not rush through it.  On Easter Sunday I went to church, had a wonderful dinner prepared by my mother, gave my brother and his wife my first niece gifts, and had a great time hanging out with some good friends riding 4-wheelers. 

I think that aggravated my allergies again though.  I was feeling a little better and then I was outside with the dust, pollen, cool air and I think it stirred it all back up again.  It was worth it though… riding 4-wheelers is fun.  I still need some practice to get the hang of it.

It was a good weekend.  Now if I could just fall back asleep and quell the sore throat, I’ll be doing great.   

traveling trainer

So I’m just checking in.  I’ve been really busy at work.  Yesterday and today I have driven all over the county countryside visiting some of our library branches.  Yes, even with having 20 sessions over the course of 3 weeks, I still haven’t reached every staff member to train them on our new intranet system.  So I’m the traveling trainer. 

I must admit though, it has been kinda nice to get out and away from my desk and do something a little different.  Venturing outside the main library’s four walls is not something I get to do very often during the normal work week. 

So even if it was pouring down rain yesterday afternoon as I drove to two different branches, I am just happy to have had the opportunity to do something out of the ordinary.