A SpotsBug’s World

the good stuff

As I sit here early in the morning of the last day of the year, my house is quiet with the exception of an occassional sneeze or cough from me. Recovering from this massive cold has been tough. I have the pattern down now though, its a seven minute cycle… rub a little vaseline on my nose to help the soreness, cough a few times, eyes tear up, a sneeze is coming, grab a tissue, finally three sneezes (they always come in threes), grab another tissue for cleanup, then reapply vaseline, and the cycle starts again.

Life is full of cycles, the longer I live and the more I learn, the more I see this. There are small, everyday cycles like paying the bills, maintenance on the car, and the weekly run to the grocery store (or in my case, the monthly run to the grocery store – ha, ha). Then there are the bigger cycles, the ones that can often change your life. People passing away but turning around and seeing a newborn baby. Happiness and joy that are followed by hardships which in time resolve again to happiness. Relationships that work for a while, struggle for a while, and then come back around. At any given time every person you meet is at various points in each of their dozens of cycles that represent their lives.

I know in my last post I talked a great deal about the hardships my family has faced over the last twenty years or so. But I failed to mention all the amazing good stuff that happened in the middle of all the difficulties, I failed to show the cycle.

So here it goes… some of the good stuff…

First and foremost, as dysfunctional as we can be, I have always had a family in tact and in contact with each other throughout all of these years. One to celebrate holidays and birthdays with, one to share good news with, and one to cry with when life falls apart. That is a lot more than many people have and through all the hardships, life has been easier because I’ve always felt the security of my lovely and crazy family.

But as for some specifics…

My brother and I both graduated college – my brother being the first from either side of our family to do so. I went on to obtain my masters and I became the first from either side of our family to reach that goal. I am so proud of my parents for creating the ability for my brother and I to continue our education. And they did so in hopes that we could build stronger foundations that would pave better paths for our lives. I know that it was a financial hardship for them and added strain to an already heavy load of problems. But out of love and dedication, they put their children first and made sacrifices to give us a selfless gift. I will forever be grateful.

All of my family has had the opportunity to travel many times. Even though we often did not all travel together, combined we have seen more than 25 different countries as well as several destinations within the U.S. like New York, Chicago, Las Vegas, and Miami.

I have two favorite trips, my first being the one I shared with only my mother. We sailed off on an Alaskan cruise just a few short weeks before we received news of her breast cancer diagnosis. The beauty and timing of that trip I will never forget. My mother is my best friend and sharing such a remarkable experience with her meant more to me than I could ever express.

My second favorite trip was the last one I shared with my entire immediate family – a trip to DisneyWorld. I know it sounds childish, a trip to DisneyWorld. But that trip was the first vacation that my father’s health held up relatively well and he actually seemed to enjoy sharing the time with us. I know many of you think I’m horrible saying these things about my deceased father. I want you to know that I loved him dearly, he was my dad after all. But this does not erase the fact that he was a difficult man and often made vacations and life feel more like a boot camp nightmare and he was the drill sergeant nobody wants. But on this particular vacation, he relaxed a little. I actually enjoyed being with him. And it marked a change in how I viewed my father and our relationship. I will never forget that.

During these years I purchased my first home. I bought the plans and let the builder create the dream. I had so much fun planning and preparing, picking wall colors, counter tops, floors, and furniture. I felt a bit out of place that first night alone in my new house, but quickly adapted to life on my own.

I have also worked at the same place for eight years and have come to find that it continues to fulfill my professional aspirations. When I come to moments where it would be easy for the job to become static and redundant, it always manages to present new challenges. I could not ask for a better place to work. I love the people I work with and the responsibilities I have within the organization. I am very thankful.

And one more thing then I’ll wrap this one up. I have learned that it is often during the difficult times when the good stuff creeps in to catch you off guard. Just like after my father passed away and my mother’s cancer diagnosis… the outpouring of love and generosity from our wonderful friends was irreplaceable and continues to be. “… a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” Proverbs 27:9… how true that statement is. At my family’s lowest times, our friends have been a big part of what has kept us going by renewing our spirits and providing help when we needed it.

These are just a brief few moments of good stuff that have kept the cycles of my life going. As we kick off another cycle with the new year I hope that you all find a small moment to reflect on your own lives. To think about what has happened, where you are and where you are going. To remember what is important to you and to be able to focus on that. May you all have a Happy New Year!

coughing and coughing

So the month of December has been a month of illness for me. I tell you, it is rare that I am sick, but when I am, boy do I really get sick. The month started out with me recovering from gallbladder surgery. That has gone well overall. I’m still a little sore and weak, but I’m sure I’ll be fine in time. Then last week, I think I had a brief case of the flu. I woke up last Tuesday morning with a horribly sore throat and my head felt like it was going to explode. That lasted for about three days then I started to feel better. Just in time for all the holiday festivities. Then late on Christmas night my throat started feeling scratchy and I began to cough, and cough, and cough some more… and I’m still coughing today.

But all this sickness has given me some time to think and reflect. I’ve thought about my family, my friends, really all the people in my life. I’ve thought about where I am now after having several difficult years. I’m praying that 2008 will be a banner year for my family. A year filled with happiness, joy, and blessings.

In 1988 my father had his first heart attack – it was massive, he was only 38. At eight years old, I became familiar with the terms angioplasty, hospital, sick, and death. Over the next 18 years my father would undergo 3 major bypass surgeries, countless angioplasties, stents, and catheterizations, 2 hernia surgeries, and an operation on one of his carotid arteries. As his body deteriorated he was also diagnosed with diabetes, early stages of glaucoma, and sleep apnea.

He was also a workaholic and the day in 1998 that the company gave him an ultimatum to leave on disability or they would let him go… well, I think he felt it was the most humiliating day of his life. He was always a tough man, and when he felt out of control it would make him crazy. He would take those frustrations out on those closest to him. For several years after the retirement he was lost, angry, and the most vulnerable I’d ever seen him. Those were hard years.

From 2000 – 2002, we spent a lot of time at the hospital with Dad. He was always the worst patient. I always had complex feelings visiting him. He was my dad and I loved him so I wanted to be there to support him, but he would make it so difficult to do just that sometimes. Some days, I just wished he’d fall asleep and I could slip out of the room and come back another day.

2003 was a tough year as we were all challenged by a major transitioning change in the family. Details I will not go into now but it was filled with events that hurt us terribly and damaged the very foundation my mother worked so hard to build.

In 2004 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy and the treatment carried over into 2005. Shortly after mom completed her treatment, Dad was back in the hospital two more times for two major surgeries.

2006 started out alright, Dad had mellowed a little and the family seemed to be getting along better. But on May 31, 2006 my father passed away. Since then my family has been faced with grief, getting his estate in order, and trying to fight a losing battle against the company my dad worked for for 34 years. His retirement account had disappeared with the company’s bankruptcy filing. So my mother had to return to work.

So that brings us to 2007. As if fighting the retirement battle, and trying to manage my mother’s financial situation weren’t enough, she fell at work and broke her hip. This required a total hip replacement and three months out of work. The only fortunate thing to come out of that was that she fell at work and so worker’s compensation has taken care of most of the medical bills. Then as I stated earlier, I required a surgery to remove my gallbladder and have been sick ever since. Fortunately not sick from the surgery, just sick in general.

After this long explanation (which actually is the short version), I’m getting to my point – and my point is that the people in my life deserve some peace. My mother needs a quiet year, one where no one is in a hospital, hopefully we are all getting along alright, and where finances are finally figured out. So that’s what I’m praying for. A year full of happiness, joy and blessings for my mother in 2008.