I have gotten a few questions recently regarding the title for this blog so I thought I would take some time and provide some background. 

First off, I was surprised to find out who some of my readers are and, more honestly, that I even have readers.  But it is nice to know that I’m not just sending my thoughts completely into the dark, black void of the internet.  Even if it is only a small handful of people it makes me feel that its not a complete waste of my time.

Back to my inquiry though. 

Growing up I always had a fascination with insects and so my mother and father among others started using the nickname ”Bug” when referring to me, their youngest child.  They didn’t use it all the time, but it did latch on and became an affectionate name that was used in pleasant conversation.  

One of my father’s nicknames, the most popular one, was “Spot.”  I am unclear about the details on how the name was bestowed on him… something I think to do with the family pet, but later in life, I feel most people called him this because of the perfect circle on the very top of his head that had become bald.

When my father passed away in 2006 I found myself in a hurricane of emotions and discovered that writing seemed to help me cope with the grief and loss I felt.  I have always loved to write but never felt that I had enough material for anything purposeful.  But after he died I seemed to have more than I could have ever wanted. 

A job change also coincided with my life transition that year and I moved into a position that required me to use more technology than I had ever had a need for before. 

So on a whim one night I created a personal website and started a blog.  In part to help me become more comfortable with the ever changing facets of my job, but also too, I found it to be a public way of expressing my thoughts and opinions.  For months I had been typing them up in documents and saving them on my private computer where only I had access to them.  Expressing my emotions verbally has never been my strongest asset so I thought too that my family and friends could keep up with what’s going on in my head a little better if they could read it instead of having to try to force it out of me.  Who knows, maybe sharing my feelings about things might help someone else… or maybe not, but regardless I felt this would be a good way for me to continue to write and publish.

When I was trying to come up with a name for the site, I thought of a hundred different possibilities, but finally settled, obviously, on A SpotsBug’s World.  I thought it encompassed everything I needed it to be and would allow me to cover any topic that entered my world and thought was worthy of some text.  And since my father, in a way, inspired me to begin to write about my world I thought it only appropriate to give him credit… I am after all Spot’s Bug.      

This week has been incredibly busy.  Full of accomplishment, amazement, sadness, disappoinment, and excitement.

Things at work are going well.  I’ve worked consistently this past week on a digital collection project that hopefully will be fully operational by the end of the month.  This has been 8 long months in coming.  I’m proud of this project, my team, and what this will allow us to do in the future for the library system.  It is a great accomplishment.

I have also spent most of my evenings this past week taking in the Olympic events.  I have watched in amazement as world record after world record has been broken.  These athletes are incredible.  From gymnastics to cycling to swimming to volleyball – I admire all of the determination each of these individuals have shown throughout these Olympic Games.  And just tonight… I watched as Michael Phelps became the only person to win 8 gold medals at a single Olympic Games.  How amazed am I?

There is also some sad news to report.  My boyfriend’s father, who was diagnosed with lung cancer back in May, has been told that the cancer has spread to both kidneys.  The doctor is not hopeful that any treatment will help and therefore has given the timeframe of around 3-6 months.  My heart hurts for the entire family but especially for my boyfriend.  Having lost my own father, I know firsthand what an inconsolable loss it is and how devastating the death of a parent can be.  I would give anything for him to not have to experience this and grieve for his own father.  I feel helpless.  All I can do is be there when he needs me and pray for all of them and know in my heart that God has a plan for this family as he had for mine.  But sadness is a dark cloud that has settled over my boyfriend and his family for the time being. 

Some disappointment has crept into my week by way of a particular family member.  This person and I have gone around and around in circles with each other over the past 6 or 7 years and to no avail.  When I try to talk with him about the issues, he seems to not fully listen – its in one ear and out the other.  But when I don’t speak to him, he gets upset claiming I never try.  It’s a “can’t win for losing” game we play all the time.  No matter what I do or what I say, nothing makes a difference and its always going to be wrong.  And in the middle of all of this turmoil is my sweet mother.  She doesn’t deserve the hurt she feels by the two of us not getting along the way we should.  That is probably what bothers me the most.  I wish I could fix it… I wish I could take away her hurt and all the awful things that have happened in the past and continue to happen.  But I can’t.  Again, I must turn to God because I feel that He is the only one that can fix the insurmountable mess we’ve made.  The disappointment can be devastating.

And finally, I feel like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster this week through everything from the success at work, to the sad news of my boyfriend’s father, and the disappointment I’ve continued to feel.  But I’ve also had some excitement today to finish my week on a high note.  One of my best friends who I’ve known since I was 12 moved back to town today.  This comes after eleven years of the two of us living in separate states.  I am so very excited to have my longtime friend back in the same place and I’m looking forward to being able to regularly get together.  It felt great helping him unload his moving truck today… with every box I felt like I was getting him back, piece by piece.

I suppose all I can say for this emotional rollercoaster week is that “life is life” for good or bad.  We have to make of it what we can and let God do the rest.