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a month of thanksgiving – day twenty-two

Today is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for an Almighty God.  This last year has been rough.  It’s been filled with disappointments and hurts on a variety of levels.  It’s brought failed dreams and plans.  It’s caused stress, depression, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness and hopelessness.  But God’s unconditional, everlasting love has never left me.  In my dark days, He’s been there.  I’ve cried to Him, I’ve yelled at Him, I’ve debated with Him… I’ve even given Him silent treatment and avoided Him altogether.  But He’s still here with me.  He hasn’t given up on me yet.  He knows all my needs and wants to meet each one.  He patiently waits for me to remember that really, He’s all I need.  And He understands when I forget that from time to time.

All my disappointment and hurt, it’s all been generated by people.  I’ve even disappointed myself on occasion.  All the sadness and frustration, most has been caused by the imperfect decisions of imperfect people.  But God doesn’t disappoint, He doesn’t hurt, He doesn’t make imperfect decisions.  And while I may rarely get a person’s best, God always gives me His best and He wants the best for me.

I am completely undeserving of this kind of love.  A love that He was willing to die for.  He bought me at the highest price and felt that I was worth it.

I am very practical, I’m a planner.  I’m independent and like to do things on my own, with little or no help.  But God offers help freely, expecting nothing in return except that I believe in Him.  Putting my trust in people, well, it will lead to hurt and disappointment because people are insufficient.  People fail, they lie, they are selfish, and they leave.  But God never does.  Putting my trust in God however, His Almighty Power will sustain me and nourish me through all my dark days.  It makes me feel foolish to think I can do this life on my own when I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me so much He sacrificed His Son for me.  To love me that much, why wouldn’t He want me to have the best possible life I can have?  Why wouldn’t He want me to have all my heart desires?  To save my life by taking His Son’s, why wouldn’t He value it, believe it’s worth something, and want nothing more than for it to be used in the best way possible?

Like I said, I’m foolish.

My faith has been tested this year.  It’s been broken and rebuilt.  I’m still in construction phase.  But I really do feel that God led me down this road of pain.  He walked me right through this terrible journey.  He had a purpose in it.  He has used it to bring me to a deeper understanding of myself and His tremendous love for me.  He’s used it to break me and rebuild me in order to strengthen my faith.  I know He wastes nothing and I realize I will continue to learn more about Him, about me, about life and about His intended purpose for my life through all the lessons I’m learning from this past year.  It’s like a beaver dam that was built and then washed away by rising rapids… the beavers rebuild it, but stronger and deeper.  God is reconstructing me, stronger and deeper.  And I’m grateful He won’t walk away and He’ll never give up on me.

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