happy father’s day!

I’m a little late with this but Sunday was Father’s Day and as many of you know, my dad passed away in May 2006. Last Father’s Day it had only been a few weeks since his passing, so I was still numb. The reality had not set in. It’s amazing how such a loss can affect your life and yet, at the same time, not affect it at all.

For a few weeks following his death it seemed that everywhere I went I couldn’t believe that the people around me could continue on as though nothing had happened. My world had come to a screeching halt and I just wanted to say to them, “don’t you realize my father just died?

As the weeks passed into months, I found myself falling back into my normal schedule. Going to work, visiting with friends, traveling, and then one day I realized that I had also begun to continue on. Though I still think of him everyday, in many ways my life has continued in much the same way as it would have if he were still here with us.

And a year later, on this Father’s Day I was able to have a moment to clearly think about my dad – Spot. I thought about how difficult he could be and how we argued and fussed over stupid things. I thought about how he worked so much and so hard to provide for us and how in my child mind I would just get frustrated that he couldn’t make it to my softball games.

But then I started thinking about how he would always bait my hook when we went fishing. And how, when he finally agreed to let me have a dog, we built the doghouse together in the backyard. I thought about how he spent, collectively, around 40 hours putting together a dollhouse for me when I was small. And how he used to sing oldies music to me all the time. I thought about how, as a little girl, I would lay on his stomach and listen to it – then tell him how it was talking to me. And he would play along and ask me what his belly was saying. We would carry on until I finally fell asleep, there on his stomach.

As I got older he would give his opinion and advice on things, but then allow me to make my own decisions. He made sure I had a college education and he helped me through the purchase of my first home.

There will be things I will miss sharing with him, important moments in my life. But I am so grateful to have been able to share 26 years of life experiences with him.  And he will continue to be with me because he is so very alive in my memories and in my heart. So for everything, his support, his gifts, his mistakes, and above all, his love, I would just like to say: Happy Father’s Day to the best dad a “Bug” could have hoped for.

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