the cruelty of sweetness… – Part Seven

After such a moment as hearing your fiance’ say that maybe marriage isn’t for them after all (see post), you’d think a person would be angry and hurt.  You might think they would give up and leave.  But The Ex didn’t.  His sweetness shined through yet again and it even made me feel bad that I was having any doubts at all.  Again, he won.

As the weather turned cooler and the days became shorter, my doubts subsided a little, love was renewed a little and everything started to feel right once again.  I chalked everything up, that had come before that had caused so much hesitation, to wedding jitters and nerves.  Peace was returning to my heart and my mind.  I had mostly forgotten the troubles of the previous few months.  The overwhelmed feelings I had, the angry or jealous outbursts from The Ex, they were all excused and forgiven.  I even thought to myself how great it was that we get the nerves out of the way early so we can enjoy the rest of this precious engagement.  I was hopeful once again.

So I focused back on the tasks at hand.  Next up, engagement photos.  The Ex and I worked with the photographer to select a location for the photos.  We decided to have them taken on the farm of a friend of the photographer two counties away.  We started to prepare the week leading up to the photo shoot.  We looked through our closets to find appropriate clothing, we talked about poses we’d like and props we’d like to use and I got a manicure (highly unusual for a tomboyish girl like myself) so that I could show off the beautiful ring in the pictures.  The Fall colors were starting to come out and all seemed to be going as planned.  The Ex seemed to enjoy this experience with me and he really got into thinking about all the photo possibilities.  He was such a ham for the camera and made that event fun and super enjoyable.  I remember thinking to myself about what a great guy he was and how sweet he was to be so willing to participate in this with me.

The Ex and I also had our very first pre-marital counseling session with my pastor.  We had both decided that he would marry us and that we would hold the ceremony at my church.  The Ex had been attending regularly with me and he seemed to feel comfortable there and also with this decision for the wedding.  Honestly, our first session went really great.  The pastor laid out the outline of the sessions and what he expected from us and in turn, we were to tell him a little about ourselves.  The Ex and I each had a turn giving a brief testimony and telling a little about our families and our lives and then together we discussed how we met and why we wanted to get married.  It was beautiful.  I couldn’t have asked for it to go any better.  The Ex said some of the sweetest things about me and our relationship, about his relationship with God, and it just made me fall in love with him all over again.

I must admit, during this month of engagement photos and the first pre-marital counseling session, I was feeling pretty good.  My confidence had been restored in The Ex, in myself, and in marriage.  Gone were the feelings of hesitation and doubt.  The Ex’s gentle sweetness, the same sweetness that overtook me at the start of our relationship, had returned.  I was feeling truly blessed and very lucky to have such a guy in my life.  I started to look forward to our lives together again and I started to build up my hopes and dreams again.

Little did I know that I was just tipping the climb of the rollercoaster and the biggest drop of all was still ahead… to be continued…

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