the cruelty of sweetness… – Part Three

Shortly after the Boston trip and on in to the summer, my mother, The Ex, and I started digging into wedding plans.

First off, we settled on a wedding date.  We decided that we would marry on my parents’ wedding anniversary the following year.  The date luckily fell on a Saturday and since my father has passed away, we thought it would be a sentimental time to follow our hearts and commit our lives to each other.  I was so looking forward to sharing that special date with the previous generation of my family and really making it a beautiful family memory.

After deciding the date, important things needed to be booked, so Mom and I hired a photographer.  The Ex really liked their work and was happy with the choice.  The two of us signed the contract and couldn’t wait to have several sessions to get all the photos taken of our memorable year of engagement and marriage.

Next up, the reception location.  Mom and I scouted out a few places and decided on a fantastic location that had a pretty, scenic view and included a caterer along with staff to help decorate the room and tables.  Instead of two birds with one stone it turned out to be three birds.  And all reasonably priced for this type of occasion.  Before finalizing however, Mom and I toured the place once more with The Ex and his mother to make sure they also liked the location.  I wanted his mother to feel included too.  While there, she bombarded me with a million questions about all the plans, answers of which I did not have yet.  I was just trying to nail down the big stuff and all the details would be ironed out later.  She was ready with a thousand suggestions as well.  She was a little overwhelming that day and it started to hit me that I was really getting married and his family came with him.

Overall, I was fine, but I did have a momentary lapse of clarity about what was actually occurring in my life.  I was chalking her chattiness and inquisitive character up to the fact that she was excited.  Though it was a little difficult to explain to her that everything happens in steps, planning something this big, well… it’s a process that takes a while, and especially because I hadn’t planned every detail since I was a little girl.  Admittedly, I was a little agitated.  Nevertheless, I again took the blame and resolved that we are just different types of people and we still didn’t know each other very well.  I am reserved and take my time when making big decisions and that makes me sometimes seem uninterested or cold.  She wants to talk everything out, be everyone’s best friend and will talk constantly in an effort to not be left out of the conversation.  But again, I felt that I was just being closed off and that I needed to work on that.  That over time as I got to know her better, I would understand better where the chattiness came from and know that she meant well.  I was taking this as another lesson I needed to learn.

I mentioned this to The Ex later that day, about how I’d felt a little overwhelmed by all the questions that I didn’t yet have answers for.  He chuckled and simply said, “That’s my mom.”  He apologized and explained, what I had already given her the benefit of which was, that she was simply excited and having never planned anything like this, she didn’t know what all goes into the planning.  I felt better.  I had discussed my feelings (which I’m entitled to have) with my future spouse, feelings about our family members and our interactions with them and we had a short discussion about it.  A productive discussion I thought.  I told him I needed to work on opening up, sharing more details as they were planned and that I wanted her to feel included in the process but that it would help if he stepped in occasionally to intercept her “Spanish inquisition” if it started getting out of hand.  He seemed to understand exactly what I was talking about.   He, again, was “sweet” about it, made sure I felt okay about the situation and told me he’d start helping out a little more in that arena.

It seemed everything was made alright at that point.  (“Seemed” being the operative word).  To be continued…

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