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the cruelty of sweetness… – Part One

I’ve been busy the last year or so thinking that my life was headed down one path, then realizing it isn’t, requiring that I reorient myself to how life is – not how I thought it would be.  Hence the great lapses of time that have passed between each of my posts during that time.  What path have I been traveling you ask?  Well, it’s a story that begins with “boy meets girl,” but then, sadly, does not end with “happily ever after.”

You see, a little over a year ago I met a guy.  This guy, for the sake of privacy, will be referred to as The Ex.  However, while I am referring to him now as The Ex, for quite some time I truly and completely thought he was Mr. Right.

The story begins when we met on a blind date and things took off from there, progressing very quickly.  After several not-so-great relationships that I had had in my life, I really felt I’d hit the jackpot with this one.  He was kind and sweet.  Super sweet, so sweet that it was about the only way I could describe him to people at first.  He seemed interested in my work and hobbies.  He was up for anything, would try most anything at least once.  He shared lots of common interests with me.  He was a Christian.  He was tall and fit, attractive to me.  He was a gentleman and did the polite things men should do for women like opening doors, carrying heavy things, and walking on the street side of a sidewalk.  He was easygoing and upbeat.  He had a good sense of humor (and he got mine as well).  And, his hand fit mine.  I felt I’d come home.  I truly felt that he was the person God had put in my life for the purpose of ultimate love and friendship.  And that the love and friendship would culminate into a marriage covenant where we could create a life together and share the joys and sorrows that a lifetime brings.

We spent lots of time together, saw each other nearly every day.  We spent our days having lovely dinners, going to church, hanging out with friends and family, traveling, going to concerts, celebrating holidays.  All the exciting things that this life has to offer, we were experiencing together.  It was wonderful.  (And I must admit, it’s a little hard for me to say this because I’m a very content, single person who has never had marriage and family on the top of her to-do list.  Nor have I had much interest in welcoming one person into all facets of my life.)

During this time, something changed in me.  I could see into the window of a different life, what I could have, how things could be.  The idea that I could be happy in a serious, full-time relationship with such a loving, sweet and generous person… well, it simply seemed too good to be true.  I was in constant argument with my cynical self, trying to ward off any negative thoughts that would play into the “too good to be true” scenario and trying to simply enjoy this sweet gift from God.

Several months into our relationship, after the trips and the outings and realizing the simple  joy of being with someone who you love and who loves you back, he proposed.  As fate would have it, I said yes and felt completely comfortable to do so.  I felt in my heart of hearts that he was the one, that he understood me and I, him and that we would join our lives and create a beautiful family together.  I had peace.

Now I am a realist and this is not to say that I didn’t feel there would be bumps in the road, because there always will be, but I didn’t care.  I really felt that we could weather any storm, that we could build our lives any way we wanted to, and that we would sustain and support each other through it all, no matter what…

BOY WAS I WRONG… there was a cruelty to his sweetness.  To be continued…

2 thoughts on “the cruelty of sweetness… – Part One

  1. Happy to see that you are writing. I think this will help some. Maybe it will help to give you some closure. I am so sorry that you did not have your happy ever after. I so want that for you because you deserve that and so much more. I love you!

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