the lost month

I have failed at posting any content over the last month.  I’ve had a multitude of things going on that life seems to always have a way of hitting you with all at the same time and it has caused me to be either too tired, too busy, too emotional, or too numb to write anything.

So here’s a brief recap of the events and I know I will expand upon some of them a little later in separate posts.

1. I’m still dealing with a break-up – a major break-up of a nearly five year relationship.  It’s not something you just get over in a day or two.  It hasn’t helped that this emotional chaos is playing out in the background of my life, especially during the last four or five weeks.

2. Work is picking up with lots of new projects starting while still trying to maintain the day-to-day activities and several ongoing projects.  This has left me a little stressed and frazzled many days thinking about how in the world is one little me going to get everything up and running and do it well all by myself.

3. It is known to many of you that my brother and I have had somewhat of a relationship meltdown over the last decade and so things seemed to reach a boiling point and I had a meeting with him to discuss how we can all work to make things better.  I’m still not sure of what the outcome will be, but I can’t let myself ever stop trying.

4. My lovely grandmother passed away at the age of 86.  She was a strong, Christian woman and so I have no doubts about where she is and who she’s with, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her tremendously.  In the weeks that have followed, I have tried to catch up with family in hopes we can all stay in touch (my grandma was the glue that held us all together), and I have helped my aunt and uncles with some of her things at her house.

5. Just last week I lost both cats.  I am still hoping they will return, but it has now been a full week since I have seen them.  I have made two heartbreaking trips to the animal shelter, put flyers in some of my neighbor’s mailboxes, searched the neighborhood all over calling for them and called animal control to check traps.  Nothing. 

With all this emotional drama, I’m trying to hold myself together.  I’m sure I will be fine – I’ve faced much worse, but I do hope that the month of May brings some better news.  I’m hoping that “April showers bring May flowers” so to speak.

I’ll write more later and provide more detail about a few of these subjects.  In the meantime – all I can do is pray for God to mend my heart and help me to understand that He has an ultimate plan for me and whoever my life parter will be.  Pray that He helps relieve some of the work stress and exhaustion I feel.  That He helps me build back the bridge that will reconnect my brother with our family.  That He will provide me comfort in my grief, a feeling I’ve come to know all too well.  And a small prayer that my little, furry friends will return home and continue to provide me the constant companionship I’ve grown so accustomed to.

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