A SpotsBug’s World

So today I realized that my countdown for turning 30 years old has reached a critical mark… it is exactly 30 days until I enter the next decade of my life.  My, my how time has passed – how quickly this milestone has arrived. 

Feels like such a short time ago I was spending my days riding bicycles and horses, running bases on a dusty softball field, hanging out with my friends from the church youth group, playing piano for anyone who would listen, and managing to squeeze a week’s worth of homework into one night because I had kept putting it off.

Those were the days…

But now are the days too.  I have found that each stage of life brings all new hopes, interests, joys, and excitement and each one should be appreciated and cherished for the experiences it provides.  Each stage builds on the last.

I know that now I feel more comfortable being myself than ever before (however, for those of you who know me you’ll know that I’ve never had much difficulty with this anyway).  But there is a certain relaxed comfort I have discovered.  Where I don’t always feel a need to explain myself – I am what I am. 

In that same breath however, I have come to realize that what I am can always be improved.  I am a work in progress.

I have learned that sometimes it is in your darkest moments, your deepest valley, your saddest times that the miracle of love and friendship can provide you with such an overwhelming joy that it will lift and carry you through those difficult moments.

I have determined that most everything happens in baby steps and it is the ability to remain patient and persistent that will allow you to succeed.

And I have gathered that it is never too early or too late to say “Thank you” to someone.  That it is only with a thankful heart can you find joy and happiness in most anything.

Of course these are just a few revelations from a lady who is far from perfect and definitely has a long journey ahead to become the godly, complete spirit I am meant to be. 

But today, 30 days until 30 years… let the final countdown begin so the next stage of life can start…

For the last week the only thing I’ve done is cough…  my sides, stomach and back is so sore from the constant hacking that has kept me up to all hours of the night and day.  I now know how insomniacs feel when sleepiness takes over the body but something holds you back from peaceful slumber. Each moment right when I’ve been about to fall deep into dreamland a cough would strike and totally disrupt the moment.

I have missed five days of work and a weekend due to this insane disorder I’ve had.  And believe it or not, I’m still coughing.  Though not to the severe level as before, but still coughing nonetheless.

What’s so strange is that I don’t have tremendous congestion.  Sure my ears feel a little closed up and my throat feels like a brillo pad is stuck in it, but aside from a little scratchiness and pressure in my head, nothing really significant.  At least not significant enough to warrant all the coughing – at least in my opinion.

My mother has been the loving, generous caregiver she always is and brought dinner to me several times over the course of my seemingly neverending illness.  She is amazing and I take her for granted so often.

I’m still coughing regularly, but today is the first day I’ve actually been able to sit in stillness for more than 10 minutes at a time without the threat of another attack of jarring upheavals.  My head still feels like I’m inside a tunnel or a box, but hopefully as the small amount of congestion continues to breakdown this will also get better.

For now, I’m off to cough some more…

I heard this song on the radio a few weeks ago for the first time and it’s been with me ever since.

For anyone who’s ever lost anyone: